School

Hello, all.  First, I want to say thank you to Mr. Ro for inviting me (and probably most if not all of us at this point) to this blog.  It seems like it's going to be a great community.  Fun for all, no?

So this is going to have very little to do with art, but it's something that I've been struggling with since I graduated.  I think I may be finally starting to figure it out, so I just wanted to share it.  Here goes!

My name is Zach and I'm an illustrator.  At least, that's what my degree says.  I say that because I recently stepped out of the student world and landed square on the doorstep of full adult-hood.  It's exciting, it's scary, it's nerve-wracking as hell, but mostly it's pretty darn awesome.  Haha, I'm not a student any more!  When was the last time I could say that?  Certainly before I was old enough to really know what the difference was.  I mean, I'm not a student!

It means I can do stuff like this all the time!

So... What does that mean?  Yeah, I've graduated.  I have that little piece of paper in a fancy leather-bound folder that says I did something and that I now know something about stuff.  I don't have to wake up every morning and drive to school just to listen to someone who's been around the block tell me how things are.  Heck, now some people think I'm that person who's been around the block and can tell them how things are... I'm not quite sure I can agree with them on that.

You see, even though so much has changed, I feel like everything is the same.  I still stare amazed at the creations of my favorite artists, trying to figure out how in god's green earth they got so damn good.  I routinely find myself in a rut with pretty much every piece I start, struggling to figure out what works best.  I still send out numerous emails to art directors, most of which go unanswered, a few being send back with a pleasant 'We'll keep you in mind'.  Hell, I even find myself getting bored with drawing and painting every once in a while, which is probably one of the scariest feelings I have ever experienced.  So what's so different?

For all intents and purposes, I feel the exact same now as I did a year ago, or even years ago.  I'm not some master who churns out gold every time I click the Photoshop icon on my task bar.  Color and composition are both still buggers who never seem to settle down and find a happy existence in my head.  What did I miss?

Then I remember what school is really about.  School was never intended to take its students to the end.  College is never going to deposit graduates into the real-world with every skill they will ever need fully honed and refined despite the fact that every institution claims that they will.  No, it could never do that and it's not meant to.  All school is meant to do is break those built-in conventions about what is right and what is wrong.  It's a block that allows one to more easily stand up and begin climbing out of the sea of confusion and on to a more solid ground.

Only then can something be built.  You won't be fully prepared.  Some of the tools needed may still be lost, only to be found later in some spark revelation or through brute repetition.  Mass failure.  Doing something over and over again, only to fall down each and every time.  Only to stand back up, dust yourself off, and give it another go.  Until, finally, with enough blood, sweat, and tears, something is left that is not a failure.  Something to be proud of and that reminds of just how much fun life is.

This is one of those moments for me.

That is what school is for.  It gives those couple more tools and a map with no destination.  Maybe it has some notes and places of interest, but for the most part it's all up to me now.  Life's final stage has only just begun and where it will end is uncertain but school imparts the ability to at least know where to start and how to look.  That is what is different.